i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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