I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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