Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I didn't notice because vodka
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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