I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
