We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
