I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Randomize
