Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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