I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
