I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
