My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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