Have you finally orgasmed yet?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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