please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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