You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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