i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
there is glitter all over my balls
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
