you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize