Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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