I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
