the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
