Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
