he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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