dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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