in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
