Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
