Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
