'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
