"it" just moved
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
