Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
