Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
another moral hangover. fuck.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Randomize
