she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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