next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
