Only a mothe r could love this liver
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
