thus making me awesome and them whores
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
