I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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