just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
