We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
