The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
