..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
