they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
only you would photoshop your dick
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
