His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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