But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
