I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize