It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
