I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My ass is underappreciated
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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