I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
