All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
