i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
