Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize