We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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