i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
