it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize