Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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