haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
