My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
