yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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