i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
