Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
