Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
