I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
