Grow some girl-balls and come out already
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
