I smell stomach acid.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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