cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
