So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my sisters under your porch take her home
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
