I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
