it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
