So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
