South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
