Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
