I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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