Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize