Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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