it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
