Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
