I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
