I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
