Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
where are my eyebrows?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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