I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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