what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
