i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He kissed a someone with a penis
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
