i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She announced her abortion via fbk
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
