i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
