He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
