At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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