Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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