I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
