I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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