Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
