I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
