"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
