Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
