i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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