It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize