This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Found your dick twin last night
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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