I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
