I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize